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PTSD of Relationships : Leadership vs. Control

I wanted to let you lead me but most importantly I wanted to let you love me. The challenge was how could I?

How could I break down my walls, and trust you so much that it would enable you to become the great leader that you desired to be? My insecurities coupled with my fears made it some days unimaginable for me to do. But the truth was, I wanted you to lead me into love, kiss away all of the previous pain that I had felt before. Give me the assurance that never again would I have felt the absence of losing me again. As you stood there asking me, again and again, the hard question “do you love me enough to let me lead?” I closed my eyes, with fear pumping blood to my heart, I could feel my breathing becoming uncontrollable and I whispered “Yes”. The calmness that came from the release of my control, felt as if all I had been dying to do was have you ask me “can I lead you into love?”

Signed,
Leadership versus Control
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