The Intimacy of You
My fear was that my past would hinder me from loving you.
I wasn’t sure how whole I really was. Were my past insecurities going to show up this time? Would I be unable to trust you? Because the truth is, I haven’t trusted anyone in a while.
Am I even ready for this - this thing called love? All of these questions swirled around in my mind as I contemplated the intimate process of getting to know you.
This time I was determined to re-write my wrongs, to be vulnerable enough to let someone love all parts of me, but most importantly, I was determined to love with a purpose bigger than my own selfishness.
I began thinking, when he’d ask my desires, what would I say?
I believe I would articulate my desires like this, “My desire is that this new love would be an example to the world of God’s love for his people, and for it to exhibit the original design God had in mind.” You see our love isn’t just about us, it’s about what we produce when we come together for His Glory.
I am tired of being the strong one, the numb one, the one who is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to lay down my sword and shield and show you me...vulnerably. I want to show you the girl who is scared of rejection and often times misunderstood. The girl who made plenty of mistakes and has given God plenty of chances not to love her (but somehow, He does so anyway).
I want to share more than just my world with you, I want to create a life with you that will change the nation and manifest a purpose that will honor God so much so that we leave generational wealth to our family. I want you to travel through every chamber of my heart, visiting some of the most intimate parts of me without the concern of scaring you away. I want to be reassured that you don’t scare easily. My scars turned Beauty Marks, I show you effortlessly. I want my journey to be something you can embrace and celebrate. I want everything that I’ve been through to manifest the perfect, purposeful design for you.
I desire to feel your heart when I am not near you, hear your thoughts before you utter them, and most importantly cover your worries with my prayers. You see, a person who is purposefully designed for you, knows your deficiencies even when you try to hide them. Our spirits are truly “kindred” and we communicate best without words. Can you imagine knowing someone so intimately that they never have to tell you when they are scared, concerned, frustrated or just plain ol’ happy? You won't have to tell me...because I will already know.
You for me, to be continued...